Tuesday, July 22, 2008
things are getting really bad... i'm sorri if i offended ani1 for the past 2 mnts... and i'm sorri if i scared ani1 for the past few weeks by crying suddenly in school or on the bus... i noe i'm just thinking too much, or rather, i'm not looking at things from the bright side. but its really hard for mi to accept the fact... i noe that the truth is always cruel, but i'm just scared to even think of wad is gonna happen...Yi n Fang, thanx for talking me thru all this, but i still cant make myself accept the fact that she's going to be gone somedae... yvonee, sorri for crying infront of u dat dae... i'm so sorri...
Since young, ive learnt to keep mi tears to myself in the darkness of the night or to mi most close and trusted friends. although i can't control my anger, i'm able to hide all mi sadness or disappointment from every1. but its different dis tym... i'm trying really hard to act as if nth has happened for the past 2 mnts, but its really hard to act as if nth has happened in sch and @ the hospital dis few daes...
grandma just had a blood transfusion on wed, and her functional status has drop to D. she's nt eatign anithing and has to be fed milk via the tube directly to the stomach... even her talking ability has decreased... we can't make out what she's trying to tell us now... many ppl said dat grandma is very strong, as she is already 90, turning 91 in 5 mnts tym... but why must leave us?? why must she suffer so much before leaving us?? we'r hoping dat she'll recover, but its been over 2 mnts since she's 1st admitted to the hospital... is she really able to recover?? i dunno...
sch work is piling up, my grades are dropping... i cant slp @ night, but feels damn slping in the morn... i have no social life, the onli place i go beside home is just sch and hospital... i have tons of work to be handed in tml, but i still typing mi way thru here... ppl always say dat i show signs of depression, mayb i'm suffering from 1 right nw... i wished for a shoulder to cry on, for a listening ear to speak to, but non will b available... i dread going hm nowadaes, hm reminds me of the tym spent tgt wif her... but sgss is gone, gone forever... i have no place to go to when i'm feeling down or feel lik crying, i can onli return hm n cry in my bed... i wished i could just cry out infront of every1, ani1... but dey seem to have prepared for the worst... hw can i cry infront of dem?? in ppl's eyes, i'm just some 2pid girl who can't control her hot temper and is always pulling a long face... do dey even think that i would cry?? i'm nt as strong as every1 think i m. n nw, after writing dis post, its backing to acting again...
get well soon...