Tuesday, July 29, 2008
finally out from the hospital... everything is going on quite smoothly... everything is still the same... same old idiotic school... same old noisy house... same old isolated and abandoned me... thanx sisters, for bringing mi laughter on fri... its been so long since i actually laugh mi heart out... seriously, i'm laughing from deep within mi heart, although it lasted onli a few seconds... tears are following the laughter... and once again, i've proven that i'm a good actor coz none of u realized that its not the tears of happiness... but aniway, thanx for being there when i needed someone to accompany mi... even if its just being there without doing anithing, without listening to mi, without talking to mi... thanx every1... i'm feeling better... at least for now...but new problems arises... exams are coming soon... i'm not even a little prepared for it... i've failed almost all mi quizzes for this 2 months... and its affecting mi GPA... thanx bear for asking mi out to study... but i'm not sure if it will be effective to mi given mi current situation... i'm not able to focus... i know that its important, but i just don't feel the urgency and need to study... y is this always happening to mi?? y m i always doing or feeling like that when it comes to major examinations? its the same with prelim, the same with O' Levels, the same with last 2 sem exams and now, its the same with this coming exams... i know i need someone to talk to... but i don't really like to talk to others about the real problems that i faced... but what's worst now is that i don't even know what had happened... maybe god can give mi an answer, but i don't believe in gods... maybe friends can give mi an answer, but i've got not much close friends, and all mi close friends are busy, i don't want to bother them with mi problems when they're having A' Levels soon... maybe i should do some self reflections to find the answer, but i'm only able to do that when i go back to sgss... conclusion: there's no one, no place, and no chance for mi to find the answer to mi unknown question...
recently, i can't even express myself properly... mi speech becomes unclear... and i stammer alot... i keep saying the wrong things and i couldn't process what is on mi brain and what i'm going to say... i must be going mad... just let mi die... i wished that i've never ever existed...
wishing for eternal goodbye